You're so nebulous sometimes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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