Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
