i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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