He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
