YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You can't special order awesome
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
