I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
