yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
