we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
