If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize