i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
