There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
