Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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