can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
