I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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