remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
