I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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