so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
