i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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