I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
