he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
