Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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