apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
