The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
