I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
