The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
