What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
