Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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