This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
