My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
