Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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