he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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