I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
