Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She needs sedatives and a leash
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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