I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
