pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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