That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
