He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
