I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
