i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
