Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
