so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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