Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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