I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
