Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
