If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
