Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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