Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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