windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
