i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
