dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
