The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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