who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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