never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
