I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
MIDGETS
????
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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