I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize