If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
