sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
