the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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