No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
