Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
