I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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