Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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